Seeing Other People Dating Guide
Hey guys, it’s Ilana!
If you’re anything like me, the words “dating” and “anxiety” go hand in hand. For years, I struggled with allowing that voice in my head to overtake my rational thinking. Whether it was the nervous breakdown before the date, the spiral as soon as I got home and started overthinking every millisecond of the night, or the sheer terror that came with seeing my crush watch my IG story but not text me back, my dating anxiety held me back from finding love.
In January, 2021, a friend told me about a company called Mindset Wellness CBD. I learned that the founders Jon and Rene created Mindset to help with Jon’s anxiety, as no other method of relief had done the job. Given the dumpster fire of a dating life that my anxiety had plagued me with, hearing this really resonated with me. I figured, “Why not? Let’s try this out.” I put Mindset’s CBD gummies to the test with the part of my life that needed the most help.
I began taking a Happy gummy before I would go on a date, in effort to shake off the nerves and feel like my best self when heading into the night. As soon as I finished the date, I would take a Calm gummy in an effort to prevent the overthinking spiral. It didn’t take long to realize that this was actually working, and I suddenly felt in control of my dating life in a way I never had before. I couldn’t believe it.
A month later, I took a Happy gummy before departing for my first date with a guy from Hinge named Jake. Two years later, Jake and I live together in our Upper East Side apartment with our puppy, Barkley.
I am eternally grateful for the anxiety relief that these gummies provided me with, which is why I wanted to create a product that would empower others to say goodbye to their dating anxiety the same way I did.
I hope you love the Dating Survival Pack as much as I do. I can’t wait to hear all of your dating wins and success stories that come along with it!
In the meantime, here are some tips to help manage your dating anxiety:
Focus on your wins.
There are so many moments worth celebrating in your dating journey. Maybe you put yourself out there and approached someone IRL, or you expressed your needs. You took a new photo for your dating app profile, or you decided to take a break from dating and focus on yourself. Perhaps you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and opened up about something for the first time, or texted back without consulting the group chat. These are all dating wins, and they’re all worth celebrating.
Rejection is redirection.
You’re not going to like everyone you go out with, and you’re not going to be liked by everyone you go out with. And THAT’S OKAY! Just because it didn’t work out with this person does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Rejection just means that it wasn’t a fit. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough or that you’ll never find love. Your person is out there, and every rejection gets you one step closer to finding them.
Stick to the facts
One of my biggest struggles was right after the date would end. I’d get home, and I’d immediately start panicking. “Maybe he thought that joke I made actually wasn’t funny,” or, “We didn’t kiss, does that mean he’s not into me?” If we didn’t have another plan made, I’d jump to the conclusion that he didn’t want to see me again. Even once he’d follow up with a text that night or the next day, any time I wouldn’t hear from him for a bit I’d assume he was over me. I needed to stop allowing my imagination to run wild and start focusing on the facts. I began using the notes app on my phone after the date to write down how the date was, how I felt, some things we connected on, and if I thought we’d see each other again or not. That note was something I could look back at as soon as my mind would start to wander. It grounded me in the facts and reminded me that I had nothing to worry about. On your way home from your next date, try this exercise. Write a recap in your notes app, or even send it to a friend for accountability, and check back when you start to feel anxious. Hopefully this will help you as much as it helped me!
Stay Happy & Calm!